IN REAL LIFE

WHEN THE PRESSURE IS ON

Hey, Ladies! I just finished reading your comments from while I was gone and the ones you've posted since MY last post -- and I think we have a theme for our Fall Live Blog Retreat (October 14-17). 

This would be your cue for a drum roll.

Seriously, I think it's a great one, something we can lead up to in the next two weeks. You all actually came up with it in your honest sharing of the kinds of pressures you're under and your deep longing to find God somewhere in the midst of it. I want to explore that with you over the next 5 posts, culminating in the retreat focus that I think KATE came up with: How to keep God, not just in there someplace, but right at the center. 

What do you think?

We'll talk about finding rhythm with the help of spiritual disciplines. Making room for joy. Setting priorities. And discussing pressures with the people who put them on you -- who very often are your parents.  We won't "solve" all the problems of pressure. That's pretty much a continuing journey. But we can come up with tools for you to use to confront the challenges.

Sound good?

I don't have to tell you that you can't do this without God. No way. No how. You already know that. But what I'm not sure we're clear on (at least, not all the time) is that you don't have to "make" God the center of everything. Or "put" God at the center. Or even "keep" God there. The truth is, God is already there. Always has been. Our job is just to discover it. Over and over and over.

So let's start there. Let's take a look at Psalm 46. I'm not going to tell you to skim down to verse 10, the famous, "Be still and know that I am God." You're walking around bent over with pressure from school, dance, sports, college decisions, and the dreaded P word (that would be "perfection"). How the Sam Hill are you supposed to "be still?" That's like saying, "Don't think about a white horse," right?

That's not where I'm taking you, at least right now. What I think might help you right now is found in verse 1.

            "God is our refuge and strength,

            a very present help in trouble."

You got that, right? A "present" help. Now. Here. Not when you get this all worked out, get your act together. Not when you're facing some matter of life and death. Uh, this stuff IS your life. And God is present. Don't beat yourself up if you've kind of forgotten that. Remember it now. The pressure you're feeling to perform, to please, to be perfect -- God is your very present help in this.

If it were enough to just say that, the psalmist would've stopped there. But since it's a hard thing to actually store in your cells, he goes on to give examples. I personally love examples. 

        "Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam,, though the mountains tremble with its tumult."

An incredible minister I know, Jerry Webber, who founded the Center for Christian Spirituality in Houston, Texas, teaches people to put the Psalms in terms that apply to their own lives. Ours might look something like this:

    "Therefore we will not fear, though everyone expects me to have a perfect 4.0 grade point average, though I feel so overwhelmed by my schedule I want to cry all the time, though I feel like not one single person understands me."

What is it that's making you feel like everything is changing? What seems like it's shaking the very heart of your being? What's roaring and foaming and trembling with its tumult?

If you'd like to post a comment, try rewriting verses 2 and 3 of Psalm 46. Be as specific as you can about your own situation. Make sure the first part of verse 2 is firmly in place: "Therefore  we wil not fear --" 

"God is  . . . a very present help in trouble." Let's show him we believe that by laying all our trouble before him. I'll start:

    "Therefore I will not fear, though I'm so far behind in my work, though there's so much I want to do for my girls and there doesn't seem to be enough time, though I now have to add a serious exercise program to my already standing-room-only-schedule, though I can't seem to carve out enough time for the people I love --"

I'd love to see my inbox stuffed with versions of Psalm 46:2-3. Now that's an invitation you don't hear from me often!

 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue    (I guess I should explain this picture of baby Maeryn. She's under pressure to learn to crawl. She tried, and rolled herself right up in her floor blanket. Yeah, it starts early, doesn't it?       

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO

Hello, Ladies! I'm ba-a-ack, and glad of it -- although I have to say my time away was awesome. I headed up the first ever writer's conference just for children's and young adult (that's your audience) authors at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center (complete with castle!) in Colorado Springs and it went so beautifully even I couldn't believe it. I should have, though, because God was very obviously present. God is, of course, always there (and here and everywhere) but God's presence was so palpable, no one could miss it. Several teen writers attended -- Tyler, Chaya, Emma, Katherine, Chelsea and Marissa -- plus three more -- Simon, Makenna, and Jessica, who came in for one afternoon to critique some manuscripts and appear on a panel. Loved, loved, loved hanging out with them, and they added so much to the conference, both as students and as critics. Seriously, who better to give feedback on manuscripts written for teenagers than teenagers themselves? Which  brings me to my next point . . .

The conference went so well that we've been invited to do another one next year. The dates are October 14 - 17, 2012, which is a Sunday through Wednesday.  If you would like to come as a student, now is the time to start talking to parents and saving up. For some of you, Colorado is out of the question, but not to despair. I'm in the process of looking for a place to hold an East Coast version of the conference in the spring of 2013. If you live outside the U.S. I can't help you yet, but, then, one never knows. Who would have thought the one I just did would even come about? Evidently God did, because that's where I got the idea. It was huge -- I've never run a whole conference myself before -- and yet it was so much fun and felt so right. I think that's why I have such confidence in telling you that if you're talking to God on a regular basis -- you know, like, daily at the least -- and you're paying attention to who you really are and what's being asked of you, there is no reason to think you can't live out the dreams God is even now stirring up in you. (What are they? If you'd like to post, I'd love to hear.)

That's why I've urged YOU to take control of your side of your relationship with your parents. Why I keep encouraging YOU to discover more and more who you were truly made to be. Why I want so much for YOU to be able to get past other people's shallow opinions and rude put-downs as well as your own sometimes-shoddy treatment of yourself so you can see your way clear to the life you were meant to live. I have come home even more jazzed about helping you through wherever I can.

I'm in a sort of "where were we?" mode, and I'll get caught up by Thursday so we can continue on together. But I did want to announce, drum roll, please, that our In Real Life Blog Fall Weekend Virtual Retreat will be  October 21-23.  I know you've been discussing a theme, so I'll read all those posts and make a decision about what you've come up with. They are far better ideas than I had -- because you have taken such mature ownership of our blog. You amaze me.

So -- please check in and let me know if that weekend works for you. For those of you who weren't with us this summer, it's two hours on Friday night, two on Saturday, and 90 minutes on Sunday. At least, that's when I'll be on line. You are free to chat any other time during the weekend, and of course you don't "have" to be there for all of those scheduled times.

Thanks for being who you are. Looking forward to your responses -- and I'll be back Thursday.

 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue   

COUNTING TO TEN DOESN'T WORK!

Hello, Ladies. Have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate you girls? I go away for a week (I really was working as well as vacationing as you can clearly see!) and you carry on, helping each other work through stuff. Then I come back, publish a post, and leave you for another week while I prepare for the important conference I'm running starting this Sunday, and you dive right into the new topic with intelligence and honesty. Then I pop back in to say I'm leaving for that conference and will you hang in there for another week. And I know you will. You truly do amaze me. Not just with your patience, but with the way you have learned to discuss topics with integrity. 

Take this one, about what works and what doesn't in those difficult moments with parents. I think you all agreed that counting to ten does NOT work -- for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that during that silence your parents think you're dissing them (when in actuality you're trying not to say things that really WOULD dis them!) But you came up with some stunning things that do, and I'd like to summarize those for you, in case you haven't been able to read all the comments:

      When my parents would really irritate the daisy petals out of me, I would catch myself with a thought that came to me more frequently as I grew in my relationship with Christ. "If God was standing right here and listening to Mom and me, would he be proud me?" Of course, God is doing that in spirit, but that thought calms my fury enough for me to think logically about what would be a more respectful approach to the current problem. (SKYE)

    Something I've been trying to do lately when I get an attitude is say a quick Our Father to myself. It helps remind me that when I'm interacting with my parents, I'm also interacting with my true Father. Remembering that God is the one perfect parent who will never make a mistake with me is really comforting, and praying to Him as Father helps remind me that He commands me -- *commands* me -- to honor and obey the parents He gave me. (RACHEL)

 I think the thing that's going to help me whenever my father says for the thousandth time that I'm being rude or when my parents aren't really paying attention is "So what? None of us is perfect. So my parents aren't quite understanding me yet, big deal. God understands me, and if I'm patient (REALLY patient) then I will eventually get through to my parents, and they'll get through to me. And maybe (just maybe) just saying 'whatever' isn't clear enough for my parents (SARAH)

    Sometimes when I feel like at a bad mood, on not that happy, I don't really talk to them because it is when I'm not patient, and I can get in trouble. I think that works because now (after I talked to my mom about that) if I don't talk to her, she doesn't go to my room and start talking when I don't want to and also arguing. I still love them a lot, it's just that my attitude needs improvement. (SYLVI)

 Usually for me, words just come right out of my mouth and I regret them and wish I could take them back, so usually just trying not to say ANYTHING at all works for me, but not doing it in a way that it seems like I'm ignoring them, but at least appear to be listening, and THEN stating what I think AFTER they're done (IN LOVE WITH JESUS)

Explaining things calmly does work-even if your not calm at all 4. Telling them your sorry (only if you mean it) it works when you argue with them it makes them feel good that your sorry, and forgiving them if/when they say sorry will make them feel better to. (JESUS FREAK)

Whenever I want to blow up to my mom I think for a split second, would God want me doing this? Is it right? Then it kind of calms me down enough to listen what she has to say. (LEXI)

Do you even realize how much maturity you're showing? That's why I know you'r'e ready for this -- You're going to get irritated with your parents. It's in your contract as a teenager, for all the reasons we've talked about in previous posts. Right now it's all about managing that irritation while you find better ways to communicate. Again, I know it seems like, "They're the parents -- why don't THEY figure ME out?" I'll tell you why I think that is. In  Genesis 2:24, there's this little verse that often gets overlooked, but that really speaks to what we're talking about here. 

    "A man will LEAVE his father and mother and be united to his wife."

What on EARTH does that have to do with this conversation? It's that word "leave." Think of this as a metaphor for growing up as a whole (not just getting married!) It's doesn't say the parents will shove the young man (or young woman) out the door. It says the kid is going to do the leaving. It isn't up to your parents to "grow you up." That's impossible! The responsibility is on you to do the maturing, and that includes taking the higher ground in arguments, being the young woman who is worthy of respect, "fighting fair" rather than resorting to manipulation.

Okay, so yeah, parents are the people who have to love you no matter how vile your behavior. And sometimes it feels like, when the world is beating you up, you just have to lash out at somebody and they're the only ones who won't kick you to the curb if you do. Still, that doesn't mean it's okay. That means they're the ones you can practice your new-found maturity and integrity on. So what DOES work?

    * Expressing your appreciation for all they do for you when you're NOT duking it out over grades or boys or whatever else.

    * Cutting them some slack because raising you is hard

    * Considering their side of the issue as well as your own

    * Presenting your case without resorting to whining, accusing, venting ad nauseam, and saying, "You always" or "You never!"

    * Honoring their final say. I didn't say "like it." Just honor it.

And how, pray tell, are you supposed to do all that when you're about to explode with frustration? Honey, that's what you've got God for.

What do you say we turn to a new topic? I'm sensing that several of you are struggling with pressure and responsibility. Am I right? Is life seeming "too much" these days? With a new school year starting, I think now is the perfect time to look at the question: How can I HANDLE all of this? If you want to post this week while I'm away, please share the biggest pressures in your life right now, the responsibilities that weigh the heaviest on you, the places where you want to go back to being ten years old again.   Sound good?

In the meantime, don't forget that we'll have another weekend blog "retreat" this fall. Be thinking about a theme. You might want to discuss that among yourselves while I'm away.  Who wants to volunteer to keep that discussion going? I'd love to be surprised with a theme when I get back! 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue