Sitting with you and a latte. Not as fancy as this one of Crystal's, but a latte just the same. I started this session as I always do with reading your comments and I've decided it's time for a little review before we move forward.
Since we began our series on "Giving Up Freaking Out: The In Real Life Ladies Look at Worrying" (I added the subtitle -- every important work needs one), I think that you (not just I) have reached some significant conclusions about worry:
(1) Intentional time alone with God daily is essential. Not just "daily devotions" so we can call it good, but deep talks, intense Bible study, and listening for the still small voice.
(2) Kairos time at least once a week -- time to immerse yourself into somethng meaningful, something you can lose yourself in so that time seems to expand beyond the literal minutes and hours.
(3) Less time on social media, TV, and texting.
(4) We all know that we're loved by God and are therefore beautiful and destined to fulfill a purpose, but that image of ourselves is so easily distorted by the Lies -- the ones society tells and the ones we tell ourselves. As ALEXANDRA said, "Satan lies and I fall for it." Those image distorters run the gamut from Christian cliches to comparisons with teammates, from the "not enoughs" to the "is it reals?", from blogging that leads us to the comparison game ("What I have to say couldn't possibly matter as much as what she has to say") to being around people who don't like us, don't agree with us. As IRELAND put it, we sometimes shut down, so that our real selves are broken into tiny fragments. Our self image gets distorted when people get too close, or when they don't get close enough.
(5) But we're getting free. I think THERESE is like the example of what's happening to all of you, ladies. I can't TELL you how big my smile is as I read, "I feel like I can finally breathe. I'm free from the bondage of self-harm and fear." It really IS possible to ignore the lies and go for the truth and let it set you free. We're seeing it happen, not only in Therese but in all of us.
So, yes, let's begin to talk about relationships. Many of you have already said you're most yourself with the people you know love and accept you, and you have the hardest time being who you truly are when you're with people who push you to fringes, or who seem to have it all together where you don't. Those are the people who drive us to worry:
"What do they think of me?"
"Do they like me?"
"Do they wish the ceiling would fall in on me?"
"What would happen if I showed them who I am?"
"Do I even KNOW who I am when I'm around them?"
Let's start, then, by talking about which relationships are the most difficult for you right now. Which relationships cause you the most worry? Wil you SHARE that?
Once I have a feel for that, we can approach it with the Bible, with God, with each other, and then that world we no longer have to be afraid of.
Are you in?
Blessings,
Nancy Rue
My whole post got deleted, and as you girls know I can write some very long posts. I just wanted to tell you, Therese how happy I am for you. Really, really, really happy for you. And I wanted to welcome Brooklyn to the blog (it's great here!)!
I might post later in the week, but right now I need to give this some thought.
Praying!
Love, Ireland
Posted by: Ireland | 03/07/2013 at 07:30 PM
I often worry about relationships with friends. Did I say the wrong thing? Will they call me this week? I hope I didn't say anything to offend them and so on.
Praying. You're all amazing!
Posted by: May | 03/08/2013 at 12:33 AM
I worry most about relationships with my family and my friends. Family because, well, I have 6 siblings, 5 brothers, and 5 siblings 8 and under. So naturally the boys get loud and crazy and fight sometimes and that really stresses me out. I hate things being this way with my family, but it's been really tough the last few weeks. But I know it'll get better with the changing of seasons.
Friends, because, I've always been a doubtful person when it comes to friends, which SUCKS because I'm always wondering if they really like me or care about me, and then I come to realize that they actually do. And go back to worrying again.
I'm off to visit my friend that I haven't seen in nearly 4 months and I'm SO crazy excited! I hope you ladies have an AWESOME weekend. :)
Posted by: Abbie | 03/08/2013 at 11:22 AM
I worry about my three younger sisters a lot..like what example I'm setting for them, but I guess thats a good thing to be aware of what you're showing younger kids. Umm..yeah, I think I worry most about them. Especially my 13 year old lil sis. Shes having a hard time and sometimes it seems like what I say goes through one ear and out the other. Shes so convinced that shes not going to mess up like me that I think shes gonna crash one day when shes least expecting it. I feel responsible for not giving her something to look up to; I feel disrespected by her and I don't think she has forgiven me for the mistakes I made.
Posted by: bulletsoul | 03/08/2013 at 02:37 PM
My relationship with my mom is on the mend, but it's still taking a little while. There was a point in our relationship where I thought I hated her for everything she did to our family. Thankfully, God is bigger than either of us.
I think right now, the relationship that concerns me most is the relationship with my friends. We moved not too long ago to a different city, and I'm attending a different school and church. I've actually never had to go out and make new friends--I knew all my old friends from when we were babies and we were all Christians. So, I've made some friends, but I'm still struggling to be myself around them.
Posted by: Jyllenna | 03/08/2013 at 02:56 PM
k, i love this post and will refer back to it- thanks so much!! xx
relationships... um, i have, like, zero? im best best best friends with my mom and a girl from PA. I hang out with a 12 year old once a week for an hour and a half and she's cool and sweet :). at dance, (i take drop in classes a couple times a week at the professional company's school) my closest friend is a 40-something and I love her (awkward... but seriously.). ummmm... i might be getting to be friends with this guy... yeah.
i guess where i struggle most with relationships... is that teenage girls dont seem to be very open to making a new friend- okay, what i mean is, i NEED that person, like I dont really have anyone else, but they dont need me because they already have their other friends, so Im just... on the side and a 'Oh crap all my friends are busy. oh. i guess there's [my name here]'. and i dont totally get why because its not like im unlikable. i smile all the time and ask questions about other people since they arent interested at all in me and i know how to have fun...
it's mostly the needing thing though. I want someone to talk about stuff to in person and to have sleepovers and stay up too late eating chocolate and acting like dorks and whispering secrets and drinking tea. lol. oh and be myself. I can be myself with my best friend and mom, but whenever i really start coming out (silly, not too quiet, talking, etc) people look at me like 'who are you trying to be?'... no one, im just trying to be okay with myself around you.
so. im not trying to complain or anything.
sometimes it's just annoying.
lol that was more like a journal than a comment... :P
xx
Posted by: Kate | 03/08/2013 at 04:43 PM
oh by the way... i was just wondering if you could perhaps pray for me once whenever you read this?? tomorrow... we're driving somewhere to stake somewhere out and... please just pray that God helps us and gives us direction and let's what He wants us to do be known (aka we hear/see Him telling us). and for me to be okay/confident about it and not scared (but at the same time still wanting it).
idk if that makes sense... thank you, beautiful(s).
Posted by: Kate | 03/08/2013 at 04:46 PM
bulletsoul, I know where you're coming from there. I have a 13 year old sister as well and I fear I haven't set a very good example. I really don't know if she's angry at me or just scared for me honestly, she's definitely something though, she's been more distant lately which is hard for me because my mom, my sis and I are really close. My relationship with my mom is getting better. It's been strengthened through all this that has happened, I now feel like I have her support and I'm learning to come to her with things. My friends and I are doing better too. There was a time when I was really frustrated with them, but I guess the way I'm looking at the situation has changed and I realize that God has put these girls in my life for a reason, they are my three best friends and I love them. I can always work on improving my relationships, so I think a post on that would be great. :)
Posted by: Therese | 03/08/2013 at 05:10 PM
I think the relationships that cause the most worry are the ones that you feel like you are someone else as you are talking to some person. It's like you're pretending to have it all under control, like faking it, and when you look back at your conversation with that person, you cringe at how you misrepresented yourself. Especially around a boy that you like. You want the boy to like you but you're afraid that if you act as you truly are, all the friendship you've had will go away.
I dealt with it by reminding myself that as long as I represent myself and my faith in God in a godly way, I don't give a rip about what they (boys or girls) think because, you know what? They are missin' out. Really missin' out. And I remind myself that if I try to change myself negatively according to what's cool, they won't like me for who I really am. I am still working on these tricky relationships and believe me, I am far from perfect at figuring out how to do all of this, but I just pray, and pray.
P.S. My brother and I have an ice-skating competition on March 16th and I would really appreciate prayers, because this is going to be the most intense one yet! and I could witness to someone!
Posted by: Toria | 03/08/2013 at 05:33 PM
You are totally on the right track Toria, keep it up! I will be praying for you and your brother!
Therese: I am in the same situation. Most of my relationships are like, 90% but the one with my sister is down at about 40%. It doesnt make sense and I'm not sure what else to do about it. We have talked about it over and over, I have taken full responsibility for my actions, apologized to her more than once, and even told her she has a right to be angry. But I have completely changed in these last few years and I don't know why she is still acting the way she is. My whole family is proud of me and has accepted the new me except for her. Has your sister been holding onto this for a long time like mine, or is her hostility more recent?
Posted by: bulletsoul | 03/08/2013 at 06:03 PM
bulletsoul: Well with my sister it's more off and on...lately it's been more frequent that she seems mad at me. Me trying to get my life together is a fairly new thing for my family so they are both trying to figure out how to support me. I'm not really sure /how/ to talk to my sister about the stuff that's been going on. I'm not the best at those kinds of things but I'm willing to try, she just isn't always too keen on talking about serious subject matters. I just want to repair our relationship, because she means the world to me, she like my best friend and I know I've screwed up but I hope she will forgive me.
Posted by: Therese | 03/08/2013 at 06:32 PM
I will definitely be referring back to this as well... thank you for mentoring ladies/girls like us :)
Posted by: Bekah Hamrick Martin | 03/08/2013 at 07:21 PM
The relationships I worry about are my best friend and mine,and people I'm not even technically friends with yet,but want to be.I worry about my best friend because she's gotten into stuff that is dangerous.I heard from her teacher that she has scratches all the way up her arms.Scratches that couldn't be caused by merely a dog(her exuse).I would hope that because I'm her best friend,she would tell me everything-but she hasn't,and even though I'm worried,I don't want to quit trying to help her.I worry about relationships with people I'm not even friends with yet because I always seem to "stick my foot on my mouth".And I'm worried that if I do,they'll think I'm weird and not be friends with me.Sometimes I feel intimidated by them because they seem perfect.Anyway,praying for you and your brother Toria! :) And Kate,I know exactly how you feel...praying for you!
<3 Noelle
Posted by: Noelle | 03/09/2013 at 08:30 AM
I worry about my relationships with my family and friends. I'm homeschooled so I don't know a ton of people my age. I belong to a co-op and the girls are nice but they live really far from me. I'm a very social person though. I would like to go to school but my parents aren't for that idea. I don't know, I just have trouble making friends.
My best friend right now became friends with another girl, which I'm fine with that, but this girls like different. She's 18, my friend just turned 14. (I'll be 15 next month) She's almost Gothic and she just acts weird. She doesn't talk the nicest and she acts gay although I don't think she is. My friend had me and her over for her birthday and I don't really want to hang out with her again. She's kind of creepy. My friend is starting to like copy everything she does. Like I don't even know her anymore and she doesn't really talk to me that much anymore. I usually don't have trouble with people and I can pretty much get along with anyone but this girl just bothers me. And I don't really feel like the way she talks that I should be hanging out with her. And I've noticed my friend is very critical of everybody and she swears a lot lately and I Don't like that....it's kind of hard though because she is my only friend and I don't know if I should completely quit hanging out with her and stuff or what. It's so confusing haha! Any advice?
Praying for everyone!
Thanks,
JennaT
Posted by: JennaT | 03/09/2013 at 11:07 AM
The relationships that I worry about the most are probably my friendships with guys. I've known all my girlfriends since, like, third grade, but I just met most of my guy friends this year or last, and they aren't, you know, "used" to my spontaneousness, and I'm afraid if I act all crazy, they'll think I'm weird and not want to hang out with me.
Posted by: Grace Anne | 03/09/2013 at 11:08 AM
Praying for you Kate and Toria!
I really get what Abbie said about being doubtful around friends. Because I've been hurt so deeply by "friends", I am scared to get close to people. But I really want friends, the having-sleepovers-whispering-secrets-and-acting-like-dorks friends that Kate mentioned. It's just confusing- like I'm constantly thinking, "How much should I trust you?" or "Will you hurt me?" I've never been through a really bad breakeup, but I have had friends stab me in the back- ultimately it felt like they were breaking my heart, too.
Like I've said before, I'm very concerned/worried about going back to public school, but I just realized that there will be a lot more opportunities there to make good friends. I hope. I'm going to pray that God blesses this opportunity- which is what I should start calling it- and lets me meet kind-hearted, God-fearing, Jesus-loving people. That's my dream, my hope, my prayer.
Love you girls so much. Wishing you a peaceful, God-filled Saturday.
Posted by: Ireland | 03/09/2013 at 01:21 PM
Yay! Finally caught up on the posts! Really loving this series :)
One relationship I've worry about is my relationship with my immediate family (parents and younger brother). Sometimes I feel so comfortable around them, that I don't treat them with the love and kindness that I should treat them with. Without meaning to I take on the "They have to love me even if I didn't treat them nicely today" attitude. I really hate it when I do that! I'm working on treating my family better, but it can be difficult and I sometimes wonder "Is this who I really am? Is the real me truly this bossy or rude?"
Then there's the people who I really admire(and often times feel inferior too) and want to make a good impression on/get to know better/or feel "equal" too. With these people, no matter how amazing and kind they are, I feel scared to let them see my totally crazy, goofy side! They always look so composed or seem to say the right things at the right times, while I'm tripping over my feet and stuttering like Porky the Pig.
Basically, unless I can clearly see that the other person is just as imperfect and quirky as me, I feel like, in order for them to truly like me and WANT to be around me, I have to measure up to their level of "cool" or "put-together" and that, by just being myself, I wouldn't measure up.I'm afraid to be real because I feel that they just wouldn't understand or wouldn't accept me. It actually happens in lots of my relationships; I tend to be withdrawn and, even though I may give the appearance of being good friends with someone, many times they still only see part of who I am...I guess, in other words... I like myself (most of the time) just for being myself-- I just don't think others will like me for being myself! Sounds kinda silly, huh?
I think I need to spend a bit more time figuring out who I am and learning how Jesus thinks of me... yeah :) Sorry for the long post! My thoughts seem to be going in 100 directions at once! Thank you for doing a series on this, it really causes one to think.
Jenna, that sounds like a tricky situation. Have you thought of talking with your parents about it? Afraid I don't have much advice, but will totally be praying for you, girl :)
Therese, woo-hoo! SO happy for you and all the progress you're making! That's wonderful!
Posted by: Sasha | 03/09/2013 at 01:38 PM
Therese: it's understandable that your sister is having a hard time dealing with your family's situation right now. Tend to her in whatever way is best and just give her time. Make sure she knows you love her and that you will come around. :) I like to say life is a lot like cleaning your room. It's a huge disaster when you're in the middle of it, but the end result is a clean room. You'll still have to clean it but if you push through, things will look so much better and it will be easier to move around in there!
Posted by: bulletsoul | 03/09/2013 at 03:31 PM
Hey ladies
There's something I want to share with you girls, and also to ask for your prayers.
On Thursday, my cousin was killed in a car accident. He was 18.
As you can imagine, it's been really hard on my whole family. When he was younger he basically lived at our house, so him, his sister and I, along with one of my other cousins who's close in age, grew up together. He was an amazing guy with a larger than life spirit and a thirst for adventure.
I'm just asking for your prayers for me, and our entire family. there have been a lot of tears shed over this amazing young man who will be so dearly missed. I've been asked to speak at his funeral, and I said yes, and though I will probably cry through the whole thing it's something I want to do for him. Please keep us all in mind over these next few weeks, namely his parents, his sister (Who was his best friend) and his girlfriend (Who is pregnant with their baby)
I apologize in advance if I'm not around much over this next little while, but know I am thinking of each and every one of you and sending love and prayers
Posted by: Alisha | 03/09/2013 at 10:49 PM
Wow. Alisha, I'm praying.
Posted by: May | 03/09/2013 at 11:09 PM
Thanks for welcoming me, Ireland.
Oh, Alisha, I am praying! My cousin's (he wasn't really my cousin. my aunt & uncle fostered him, and he always was "their son" and "my cousin")brother got married 2 years ago, but I know what happened to you would hurt more.
My most difficult relationship right now is with my cousin...I said more about that in a comment on the post before this.
Posted by: Brooklyn | 03/10/2013 at 02:01 PM
Alisha...I wish I could be there to comfort you right now. I don't have the words but I wish I could just give you a hug. I love you and I'm praying for you and your family. <3
Posted by: Therese | 03/10/2013 at 02:41 PM
My goodness Alisha I am so sorry for what happened to your cousin. Loss is always hard, especially when it's somebody who was really close to you. Prayers and well wishes as you and your family pass through this time of mourning:( Therese, hugs and congrats on you getting stronger and hopefully ending your struggle with self-harm:) Prayers for all of you girls!
Posted by: *Olivia* :) | 03/10/2013 at 06:28 PM
I'm so praying for you Alisha. God will comfort you all, lean on him.
Posted by: bulletsoul | 03/10/2013 at 10:15 PM
I am the most worried about the relatioships with my friends. I am constatly wondering what they are thinking about me and what they might be saying about me when I'm not around. I am also worried that I say the wrong things when I am around them and I act a little bit to... well, like myself and I feel like they don't like that.
Posted by: Bekah <3 | 03/10/2013 at 10:44 PM
I am so so sorry, Alisha. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a cousin, and I'm not even as close to my cousins as you were to yours. I'll definitely be keeping your family in my prayers.
Posted by: Katie | 03/11/2013 at 01:44 PM
Alisha, I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain your family must be going through. I wish I could just give you a hug.
Posted by: Grace Anne | 03/11/2013 at 03:26 PM
I am worried about friends right now mostly because soon we'll be moving and I'll have to start all over, making new friends. Just like Kate said it seems like most people already have all the friends they need, their group, so while they may be politely friendly, it doesn't really get beyond that.
Also I'd like to be able to share with some people more, without being afraid of what they will think. But it's hard for me to talk about things I think and feel deeply about.
Posted by: Ea | 03/11/2013 at 05:01 PM
Let's see...
I used to have the worst relationship with my Dad, (as I'm sure some of the older people on this blog know ;) ) But honestly, it's not that bad now. My sister and I don't get along at all, but she's away at college so it's not as big of an issue until summer. My mom and I are best buds. However....
I'm one of those people who is really independent, so I don't really have many... er.. any female friends. I know it's not exactly healthy, and it's horrible to say, but I feel like I don't have time for friendships. Or if I do, I don't find other gals that I get along with. I'd rather just chill with dudes; they're more laid back. However, that's changed now that I'm in a quite serious relationship. So, I don't hang out with dudes anymore. Which means I'm stuck with no one to really confide in. It's slightly aggravating at times, but like I said, I'm quite independent. I'm not sure if it's "wrong" to not have female friends, ya know?
Posted by: Paige | 03/12/2013 at 04:32 PM