Hello, all. I've been feeling pretty good about my sweet self, heeding all these Nudges to write this and create that and organize that other thing over there. All God-things, or at least all indications are that I can ascribe them to God. (By the way, don't you love the word "ascribe"? I'm trying to use it as many times as I can today. Yesterday it was "harbinger." Alas, I digress . . .)
Anyway in the midst of all that, and your reassuring comments that you, too, are being Nudged -- to move -- to write -- to share your faith -- to attend a conference -- to write a letter-- to have a raspberry mocha . . . in the middle of that, someone posted a quiet comment that said:
"Maybe you're not being nudged to DO, but nudged to BE."
Of COURSE I gnawed on that for several days. I am a notorious gnawer. I think that's why I had to have four operations for TMJ pain. This time my chewing included such questions as, "What, I'm not enough? I'm not okay? Was she saying that? " And then it was, "So, I'm supposed to stop developing a mentoring program and proposing ideas for new books and holding a conference and just . . . 'be'? I don't think I know how to do that!"
Besides, I think I know what a Nudge to DO feels like, and most of you have indicated that you do, too. Once you recognize it, that naggy, nudniky, sometimes annoying inner poking to get off the spiritual couch and take action is pretty unmistakable.
But how in the Sam Hill does a Nudge to BE manifest itself? And then what do you do with it? Although, I guess if it's not a DO but a BE, then you don't DO anything. Holy Crow!
I have to admit that for a while I decided this person was just trying to make me feel guilty, although for what I have no idea. I already do a pretty good job of that on my own, thanks. And then it hit me -- not like a Nudge but like a Du-uh. I just finished the first year of the Academy for Spiritual Formation program in which we spent intense weeks looking at ourselves and who we ARE and who God created us to BE. Our goal was to bring those two things closer together, and closer to God, so that we can then go out into the world and do the work we have been given to do with gladness and singleness of heart.
In other words, I just spent the last year learning how to BE -- but I got all kinds of itchy when someone suggested that that was exactly what I needed to be doing. Sometimes I think I am still a teenager in a sixty year old body. Pity.
Once it occured to me that in essence we are Nudged to do both, I could take a look at what this whole Nudged To Be thing looks and feels like. I've made a few discoveries, had some epiphanies, which I'd like to share with you if you've gotten this far without becoming completely sick of my gnawing. If you'd like to chew on this with me, read on.
What a Nudge To Be Looks Like, Possibly --
* A random bout of some unexplained illness. Sometimes I don't stop and be unless I'm laid up with plantar fasciitis or a frozen shoulder or some other strange malady. Have you had that experience?
* A desert period in your spirituality. The Desert Fathers were on to something when they went off into the sand and communed with God among the cacti. I haven't done that physically since I moved away from Nevada, but I've certainly done it inwardly. Thirsting for God. Seeing nothing but nothing. Seeing mirages that disappeared when I tried to go after them. There isn't much to do in those dry spiritual times except be. Have you been there?
* A dark night of the soul. You know, when you feel worse than thirsty. You feel anxious and hopeless, and you want to DO something to make it stop, but your only authentic choice is to be with it. Have you spent time in that place?
* Entries in your journal like, "God, please nag me!" "Who AM I?" "I think I"m losing it here!" Sound familiar?
* A comment from someone you don't know and haven't heard from since and can't find anywhere on your computer . . .
What Does That Kind of Nudge Mean, Perhaps?
* Richard Rohr, one of my new favorite spiritual authors, says in his book Falling Upward, it's a "gnawing desire for ourselves", our true selves. It's like we're sick of our falseness and we can't move forward until we peel it off.
* We're ready for theosis. I'm not sure I can use that word in many sentences in a single day, but I like it. According to Ronald Rolheiser (one of our presenters at the Academy) it means to get out of the way. To remove impurities bit by bit so that one day we can be wholly engulfted by divine fire and become a living flame of love. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.
* These guys aren't making this stuff up. The psalmist, in Psalm 25, begs God not to remember the sins of his youth (yeah, really) or his transgressions, but to remember him according to God's steadfast love. That would be the love that made us to be uniquely ourselves. When we feel this kind of nudge, we're ready to be those selves.
How To Respond to a Nudge To Be, Maybe --
* Pray. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but I don't know about you -- I constantly forget that that is the appropriate response to just about everything. In this case, we can take our cue from the psalmist again, "Who can detect their errors?" he says in Psalm 19, verse 12. "Clear me from hidden faults." We know the big stuff we're guilty of. Now we're being nudged down to the concealed stuff that perhaps even we ourselves are not aware of.
* Ask God what it is we need to be healed of. I obviously need to be healed of so much doing without constant vigilance over who I'm being, and whether who I'm being is who I really am.
* Go deeper -- which is what we'll focus on next time, and maybe the time after that.
Meanwhile, I would love to hear about your nudges to be and where they're taking you. As always, tell us how those nudges are coming to you. Do you suspect they might be muscle spasms, or is it God saying, "I want to talk to you." Are you answering? What's it going to cost you?I cant wait to hear.
Blessings, fellow nudg-ees,
Nancy Rue
"All theology is at its heart autobiography."
Frederick Buechner, The Sacred Journey