Hello, Mini-Women! I am totally jazzed about our series on peer pressure and from your comments it sounds like you are, too. Even those who are homeschooled can suffer from it, as BETH pointed out. I love it when we hit on a topic that just about everybody can relate to. And for those of you who've said this isn't a problem for you, stay with us anyway because (a) you might be able to help the rest of us and (b) sometime, somewhere, somehow, you'll feel some pressure and it's a wise mini-woman who's prepared.
I think a really good place to start is to talk about what peer pressure ISN'T. It sort of clears the way so we can really deal with the important stuff. So let's look at five things some people believe about this subject that AREN'T true.
MISTAKEN IDEA #1: "Any time you feel like you want to do what everybody else is doing, that's wrong. " Uh, no! First of all, at the age you are, it is TOTALLY NORMAL for you to want to fit in. It's part of learning how to get along in society. Belonging feels good because basically it IS good. So if you want to listen to the same kind of music all your friends are listening to and you're drawn to the same kind of movies and games, those kinds of things, you are being a normal, well-adjusted tween girl. The PROBLEM comes in when you do that stuff ONLY because everybody else is doing it AND it goes against what you really believe. But if all the girls at your church are wearing pink and you don't have a problem with pink and it's fun to all show up for Sunday school in pink t-shirts, go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, if all the girls at your church are swearing every chance they get and you feel like maybe you should swear too so you can fit in, that's something else entirely. THAT is peer pressure.
MISTAKEN IDEA #2: "You should always try to be unique." Here's the deal with that: you already ARE unique. You don't have to TRY to be. Your job is to discover your true self, and when you do, you're also likely to find other people you have a lot in common with. You'll fit with them, and that's good. Usually when people refuse to do ANY of the good things other people are doing, they're doing it because they're mixed up about something.
MISTAKEN IDEA #3: "If you're not going to give in to peer pressure you have to act like a complete misfit." Nope. It is NOT necessary to refuse everything about the tween scene to avoid doing something wrong with the group. For Pete's sake, not everybody is out to get in trouble! Think about it. Liking the good music of your generation (and there is some) has always been the way for tweens and teens to bond and find part of their independence from grown-ups. I'm not talking about hard core rap -- I just mean the fun music that you and your friends all know the words to so you can sing them together in the back seat of the mini-van on your way to dance class or soccer practice. The same goes for G or PG movies you all like (and that your parents approve of). And current slang, as long as it isn't swearing. And even fashion to a point. You don't have to dress like you're forty years old in order to be okay with God! In other words, you can refuse to give in to peer pressure and still be cool.
MISTAKEN IDEA #4. "People pressure you just to get you in trouble." Really? Is everyone you know that much of a rebel? And do they not have anything better to do than to worry about you being too good? The truth of it is, when people pressure you to do things you know aren't okay or that you just choose not to do because they aren't 'you', they usually do it because they feel insecure about what they're doing. If they can get everybody to do it, it feels safer. Some people think they have to be in control of what other people do so they'll feel more important. They haven't figured out that they're already important. You can pray for those people. And you can say no to them. They'll move on because it's really themselves they're concerned about.
MISTAKEN IDEA #5: "Nobody will like you if you don't do what everybody is doing." It might seem like that's going to be true, but it totally isn't. If you are careful HOW you refuse peer pressure, not only will you not be ostracized by absolutely everybody, but a number of people will actually respect you for it. The "HOW" is the important part and that's one of the next things we'll talk about in this series. For now, just know that if you say something like, "I'm not doing that, and the rest of you shouldn't either or you'll end up lousy sinners who are beyond help," of COURSE people aren't going to like you. I wouldn't like you that much myself for the moment! But if you simply walk away, or say, "No thanks. Not my thing," that doesn't give anybody a reason to hate your guts. We'll talk more about attitude and body language and the whole idea of looking down on people. In the meantime -- turning your back on peer pressure doesn't mean you won't have any friends.
If you'd like to comment, will you share with us which of those Mistaken Ideas you have believed? You can talk about all the ones that apply to you, and if you want to give the story behind them you can. Remember that for right now, we're just figuring out what isn't true -- we're not ready to "fix" each other or tell each other what we should do. If you already know all those ideas are wrong, and you've never bought into them, great! We'll hear from you on the NEXT post.
As always, can't wait to hear what you have to share.
Blessings,
Nancy Rue
I've kind of been hearing that first one, "Any time you feel like you want to do what everybody else is doing, that's wrong". I think that may have gotten its root because a lot of the stuff the world accepts as good and fine and dandy... is wrong! But like Mrs. Rue said, if what everybody else is doing is good, then following along with it can be good, too!
I've also heard that "Be unique all the time" idea lots. I never really got it, so I just was myself. Okay, so sometimes I wear skirts while most other girls are in tight, tight jeans, but I'm fine with my appearance, so I wear what I want to wear. Not what other kids think is "cool" or something. (Good thing: one of my sisters could be a fashion designer or something and sometimes she helps me decide what to wear, so I'm usually looking nice enough.)
Whoops, this has gotten pretty long, so I'll finish up now.
Posted by: Mary | July 17, 2012 at 08:58 AM
"Any time you feel like you want to do what everybody else is doing, that's wrong."
...Yep, that's me, alright. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish I had a cell phone. I mean, c'mon! Mostly every other girl who's my age seems to have one! Even people younger than me have cell phones! o_O But then I think: "No, no, no! Having a cell phone is wrong. You shouldn't want that. Cell phone's take up obscure time! How about use the time texting to your neighbor across the street, and go outside and actually talk to her? Or why don't you just call your friend who lives thirty minutes away, and PLAN a play date, FACE TO FACE!" And then I feel all guilty, like, "What was I thinking?" and "Am I getting sucked into electronics?" But cell phones aren't bad... It's just how you use them, and how MUCH you use them! And then there's clothing... I've always worn normal, typical, shaggy clothes. But lately I've been wanting to fit it at least a LITTLE bit better. So I've been trying to dress better...
"You should always try to be unique."
Sometimes I feel like a blah. Like, so un-spunky, tedious, and gruesome. I know that's a little... uh, dramatic, but I really do feel this way sometimes. Sometimes I feel so dead beat, that it drives me crazy! And I think: "You're so typical. Why don't try to be a little more interesting? A little more creative? A little more unique?" And then I start beating myself up, thinking: "What if you could be..."
"If you're not going to give in to peer pressure you have to act like a complete misfit."
Yerp! That's me, again. I think to myself: "Either you be the cool kid, or the un-cool kid. There's no imbetween." And I decided to be the "Un-Cool Kid." But lately, I've been giving into trying to be the cool kid, just because I feel so pressured, like: "You HAVE to start being cool, one day."
Mary, you thought yours was long? HA!
~$nåpp¥
Posted by: Snappy:) | July 17, 2012 at 03:22 PM
#1, #2 and #3-YES!
Posted by: Brooklyn | July 17, 2012 at 03:48 PM
Really only #5 for me. Like I said on the last post, I feel peer pressure no where except for at church, and I'm only there once a week at the most.
I need advice. I'm going into 7th grade. At my church, we don't move up a grade until the first week in August, which means I have two weeks left going to the 5th & 6th Sunday school. We have a separate building for 5th-12th grades. The building isn't big enough for all six grades, so this is basically how we have youth group/Sunday school:
Sunday morning: 5th & 6th
Sunday evening: 9th-12th
Wednesday evening: 7th & 8th Bible study at people's houses
Friday evening: 7th & 8th
So anyway, my church has three services: one on Saturday and two on Sunday, and my family has always gone to the first service on Sunday. I've never had to go to the service because I go to Sunday school. Now that I'm moving up to 7th, I'm going to youth group AND Bible study, but my dad said that I also have to go to the first service on Sundays. AND, since my mom volunteers at the 5th & 6th Sunday school at the first service and she wants to be able to hear the sermon, I might have to go to the second service as well!
I hope you can all see my dilemma: church four times a week seems like too much, but, since we're called to honor our parents, I have to go. I've always liked Sunday school, but I've never been too crazy about the actual service. And I need more sleep since I'm a growing teenager, so getting up at 8 seems too early. HELP!!!!
Prayer: I've been bored out of my gourd for the past month. I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Grace Anne | July 17, 2012 at 04:59 PM
Grace Anne - oh, my! Church four times a week DOES seem like a lot, but you're going to be getting something new: the sermon! It's nice to be with other kids your age in Sunday School, but I personally LOVE the services because I learn so much. Don't think of it as an horror, think of it as an opportunity. Ask your mom & dad if you could help out with a younger SS class, so you could just go to the second service with your mom. On the other hand, hearing the same message twice may seem boring, but it's not a recording, it's your PASTOR, who, remember, is a PERSON and is not going to repeat from memory the same exact message. It's going to be a little different, and you might learn something from that.
As to the sleep: try going to bed early. I could be wrong, but I think tweens need ~9 hours of sleep. So if you're going to bed at 8 or 9 o'clock, you're going to get pleanty of sleep. At my school, it starts at 7:00 in the morning, so I do have that worry, too. But hooray for summer vacation!
Posted by: Mary | July 18, 2012 at 12:06 PM
Mary: Thanks for the advice! I talked to my dad, and he said that we might be able to go to the Saturday night service (nursery through 4th grade are at every service, so my youngest sister can go then, too), and then my mom and other sister can go on Sunday morning.
My friend is probably going to be joining on here really soon!
ILYAAMARVC! (I Love You All As Much As Red Velvet Cake!)
Posted by: Grace Anne | July 18, 2012 at 01:15 PM
I don't have any of these things apply to me-yet. I have a pretty safe environment and I go to a Christian school so I don't get much pressure but I do get that felling that I want to be unique because my friends and I are all pretty much the same.
Lizzie
Posted by: Lizzie Lee | July 18, 2012 at 02:14 PM
Grace Anne - no problem! :) My sisters usually never want to hear my suggestions on anything, so it's nice to be able to offer some help.
Posted by: Mary | July 18, 2012 at 05:29 PM
Hey, guys! I'm SO sorry I haven't been here in months! I've been kinda busy, and for the past week we've been in North Carolina (for a funeral :(.) And sports and also we just moved. But I'm ready to try and get back in the groove of getting on here! So for the post!
Sometimes, #5 gets me. I mean, if you don't listen to the same kind of music, (which usually I don't. I only listen to christian music. Maybe sometimes one or two other songs) others will think your weird and won't like you. But thanks to God, I can stand up for what I believe in. Like in Mistaken Idea #1, when everybody does something you don't. Like, if everyone says bad things or talks about stuff I don't do, I can stand up and tell them I don't do that. Like once there was this kid who comes down our street on his bike sometimes, and he once was talking about this bad video game he plays, and for some reason, I just couldn't stand to hear him talk about it, so I went up to him and told him straight out that I don't that kind of stuff, and if he didn't stop talking about it or leave then we<(meaning my brother and me) would go inside. And he kind of looked dumbfounded, and then he kinda hung out for a minute and then he left.
So I'm glad God helps me with stuff like that, but sometimes I do give in and let them say bad words and sometimes I DO copy those words. That's when I take a deep breath, pray, and ask them to stop.
So, yeah...
Praying for you all!
Olivia
Posted by: Olivia Jane | July 18, 2012 at 06:43 PM
Welcome back, Olivia Jane! I've returned to this blog after several months as well... But it's been a while since I've returned. You probably haven't met me before. I'm Snappy, one of the older posters. :)
~Snappy
Posted by: Snappy:) | July 19, 2012 at 09:48 AM
Hey, all! Welcome anyone new, because I've been O-U-T of it for the past week; I don't know who's new or who's been here and just returning after a few.
Ok, I don't really have peer pressure, but I've HAD peer pressure b4. It was basically this: If I don't givein, then I won't have any friends. WHICH WAS A LIE FROM THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF EVIL! What actually happened was I got lots of teacher friends, and no friends my age. Also, in 1st grade, at lunchtime, I'd go sit down by myself, nobody talked to me (except my mom who brought me chickfila:D) then once I was sitting with some girls and they were telling stories about #1&2, so I wanted a story told w/out the gross stuff. So they said I was a hairless rat that got run over by a car and died. Everyone at the table laughed and I ran outside to cry. Nobody cared or noticed. Also another time I was hanging out by myself when two girls that used to be my friend walked up and were playing something. I asked if I could play. They said sure. I messed up once. They deserted me. So I've learned to be accepting to others. Also. When I was first on the blog, nobody said welcome or said anything to me. Just thought I'd share all that. I don't hold anything against y'all- I'm just sharing. The way I got thru the hurt is I trusted God and obeyed Him. Not Satan, I obeyed GOD. There's my advice and experiance. Bye!
ILYGMSICAIPFY! I luv u girls my sisters in Christ and I'm praying for you!
Amelia
PS PR
Plz pray for all the 3rd world countries and for ladies at our Church Lifepoint. Also, plz pray for us to clean our house cause were gonna be busy a lot for the next month or so
Posted by: Amelia | July 19, 2012 at 01:40 PM
Amelia, I'm praying! And, if it helps, WELCOME!!!!
No one welcomed me, either. I don't think anyone knew I was new because there was another Grace on here.
Posted by: Grace Anne | July 19, 2012 at 02:22 PM
I haven't posted in a while cause I was away on vacation to Florida ( its a bit of a difference changing from 36*C back to 13*C :y)
Welcome every1 who's new and returning!!! :D
My answers for last post :
•swearing- I hear it from loads of ppl in school and on the bus including some of my friends :(
•using the Lords name wrongly- i hear loads of ppl sayin stuff at school, on tv and everywhere :(
•make up- loads of ppl in my year wear so much that if you poked there face your your finger would just sink rite in :y
•Inaproprate movies- loads of ppl in my year go to see 15s and some 12s are also bad (is it just me or does anybody else notice that they're not being as strict with ratings anymore???)
Posted by: Amy | July 19, 2012 at 05:57 PM
Lè m 'te premye sou blog la, pèsonn pa te di byen akeyi oswa di anyen m'. Jis panse mwen ta pataje tout sa ki. Mwen pa kenbe anyen kont y'all-m ap pataje jis. Wout la mwen te resevwa rive mal lan Se mwen menm li fè konfyans Bondye, epi li te obeyi l '. Pa Satan, mwen te obeyi Bondye. Genyen konsèy m 'ak experiance. Babay! Se konsa, mwen kontan Bondye ede m 'avèk bagay konsa, men pafwa mwen bay nan epi kite yo di mo move epi pafwa mwen FÈ kopye mo sa yo. Se lè m 'pran yon gwo souf, lapriyè, epi mande yo sispann.
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